The sun shone brilliantly, warming my shoulders as I stood at the base of the mountain. Excitement had me jumping on the balls of my feet. I had trained for this, I was ready. I quickly checked my equipment and stepped forward. The rock was as cold as steel against my gloved hand. One foot, one hand, Push! I was climbing. 3,000 feet to the summit, I can make it. One hand, one foot at a time.
The wind blew more forcibly the higher I climbed. It threatened to sweep me right off the mountain side. My arms and legs were shaking from the extreme exertion. Sweat streamed down my face. One slip, one misplaced hand, it will all be over. One hand, one foot at a time, I kept climbing.
In one blink it seemed, my crystal blue sky turned dark. Thunder rumbled and the worst thing imaginable materialized; lightning. Driving rain lashed my hands and feet; the rock face became slick. I couldn't go up, I couldn't go down. I was stuck. Fear as I had never known consumed me. "Lord Jesus help me! I can't go on, it's too hard. I'm going to fall."... As I cling to the rock for dear life, I hear Abba Father say:
"I Am here. This storm will soon be over. You are called to this mountain, I will not allow you to fall. I know each crevice, exactly where you should put your hands and feet. I will guide you. Do not be distracted by the wind and the rain, they are only temporary hindrances. Listen closely to my voice: I did not say this mountain would be easy. I have called you to greater than that. I am stretching you. I am growing you. I know the plans I have for you, good plans I will see to the very end. I am sending you a fresh wave of strength, My strength. Though it seems impossible I make all things possible for them that believe. Now CLIMB! One hand, one foot, I have ordained you to make it. You will succeed. There were many who fed you discouragement, many who said you could not do it. Many who said this mountain was not for you. Cast those thoughts from your mind. I tell you, you can! You can because you go in MY name. I have anointed and appointed you! Climb, climb higher the summit is just in sight!"
The banner above the door read, "COMING SOON." Butcher paper covered all the windows, and sounds of saws and hammers could be heard from the sidewalk. It was safe to say, curiosity about the new store was high and speculation over what it could be ran even higher. Our little town needed some new life; too many stores had closed their doors. Days turned into weeks as we anxiously awaited to know what this store would be. Finally! A "GRAND OPENING" banner adorned the newly painted store front.
The window displays stopped us in our tracks. Beautiful clothes sparkled on the manikins, with shoes and bags to match. Antique tables held everything from silver tea sets to electric trains circling tiny villages. Everyone in the crowed spotted something different each item more beautiful than the last.
We all rushed inside...
Nail filled boards were scattered all over the floor. Light bulbs hung naked from their outlets. Dirty rags were piled in corners and sawdust covered everything. Trash cans were overturned, their contents spilled out into heaps. The smell... rotten, hideous, filthy.
Our excitement turned to stunned silence as we stared around the room. Disappointment settled like a blanket. With bowed heads and broken hearts we exited the building; leaving part of our hope behind...
I hear the Father say:
"Open your ears to hear! Today false teachers and preachers are offering pretty packages labeled with ornate tags and titles. This is not a new thing. They claim they are sent from Me, they are not! They claim to have a secret I have only told to them; THEY LIE! They mock me with their fancy suits and dresses; the blind are leading the blind straight into the ditch. They are concerned with what can be done for them, and not what I wish to do for My children. They are filled with pride and their hearts are far from Me. Some of you have already fallen prey to them. It is hard now for you to trust, to believe, to continue on. Listen Children! Do not be dismayed. Do not lose hope. Trust Me, rely on Me. As I say in My Word, I will meat out perfect justice. I am raising up and sending out true ministers of My gospel. Ministers who share My heart; who do not wish for any to be lost. You will know them. I will make them plain to see. When you hear them you will KNOW they have been sent from Me. In these last hours My Spirit will be poured out on ALL flesh. Time as you know it is quickly drawing to a close. I am creating kingdom connections even now. I will not leave you without counsel. I will not leave you without an under shepherd. Try the spirits, seek My sight, seek My hearing. Listen to My voice, absorb My Word; dine on it; it will be sweet like honey and will spring up into wells of Living Water within your souls. Guard your hearts, ears, and minds My children. Do not be deceived any longer by false words and empty promises. I alone am your source."
The sun was setting as we waited outside the meeting tent. The outer court was teaming with people. Hot breezes stirred the sand forcing us to cover our faces with cloths. Someone at the back of the throng began to sing; Amazing grace how sweet the sound... We had no instruments, but soon voices began to blend together creating the most beautiful music I had ever heard. I could not stop myself; without realizing it my voice had joined with theirs. Without conscious effort the crowd began to kneel. Praises rang louder and louder. Some were singing, some were praying, some were speaking their praise to our Heavenly Father. Waves of uncontrollable weeping swept through the crowd. One and then another began to cry out for forgiveness, brothers and sisters; reconciling. Wisps of smoke filled the air around us, winding together; covering us. Power radiated through the crowd. "Where two or three are gathered together in my name there will I be in the midst of them."
We could not speak, we could barely breath. Gods presence rested so heavily, all we could do was listen.
"Have I not said I inhabit the praises of My people? You are My chosen one. I have anointed and appointed you. I am equipping you even now to fight the battles which will soon materialize. I am making you ready. I did not misspeak when I said many are called, few are chosen. Not everyone can undertake what I have called you to face. You are part of My front-line army and I have placed within you gifts, gifts which must mature. You have been longing for this for some time.You know which gifts. You also know what is standing in your way; what is keeping you from walking in the anointing I have placed on your life. Fear, pride, lusts, addictions... relinquish them to Me. The time is now! Are you ready to take your rightful place? Come out of the shadows! Serve Me with your whole heart! Surrender your ideas of holiness and clothe yourself in My holiness. Hate the things I hate, love the things I love. Lay aside every weight. Abide in Me. You are my chosen one."
I walked through the rotating door of the library. My nose is assaulted with the smell of books and my ears instantly absorbed the silence. My fingers began to tingle as I removed a pair of white cotton gloves from my pocket and slide them on. Anticipation quickens my steps as I made my way through rows and rows of shelves. My destination: a room ensconced behind a set of paned french doors. The plaque above the door reads "Ancient Texts and Scrolls." Here the silence is even more profound. The only sound is the gentle rustle of pages being turned one by one. I take a seat next to a scholarly looking gentleman, an attendant has my scroll ready. Gingerly I unroll it inch by inch until the characters come into view. The world outside is forgotten, the room fades away. As I read I hear the Father say:
" I have called you. I have ordained you. It is time now for you to step out and speak to My people. You are My minister in the Earth. You are My hands and feet. For too long you have been muzzled by those who did not want to train you up. You have been muzzled by those who saw what I have placed on the inside of you and were intimidated by your gifts. Because of them you have doubted what I have called you to do. For too long you have believed their lies. I say ENOUGH! I am removing the muzzle from your mouth. The time is now. Now is your time to do what I have placed in your heart to do. Like Ezekiel, you must eat the scroll. You must get My Word deep inside you. It will be as honey in your mouth. It will fill your belly with fire, and like Jeremiah you will have no choice but to speak it out. You will not be able to stay your tongue. I the Lord have spoken it. I am opening doors no man can shut. Divine appointments, divine connections. I am raising you from the ashes, and you will soar like the eagles. Do not be afraid. I AM with you always. Do not step to the right or to the left, consume My Word, and when you open your mouth to speak; My Word will flow forth."
"Child, have you not suffered enough? Do you not realize true life is only in Me? I Am the Creator of heaven and earth. I make the stars to shine, I cause the rain to fall from the skies. Can you not see, will you not hear? I am for you, I have always been for you! Why did you walk away from My covering, why did you take yourself out of My hand? You say you have suffered, and been treated unfairly. Have I been treated any less?
Have I treated you unfairly? Have I caused you to suffer? I make it plain in My Word; all good gifts come from Me. I do not change, and I do not make mistakes, I do not lie. Return to Me child. Step out of the desert, and into the green grass of My valley's. Step out of pain, and into My healing. Step out of your own wisdom and step into Mine.
How I love you child, how I long to be close to you. You are like a baby bird fallen from its nest. Return t o me little one. Do not fear, I Am not angry with you. My heart is broken for you, you are My child. You think you are too far gone. You think I will not welcome you once again, you think you have gone too far. Not true my child, I am waiting for you. I stand watching each and every day, patiently waiting for you to return to Me. Return to Me, I am your oasis in the desert. I am waiting right where you left Me."
I stand at the oceans edge, the foamy waves tickle my feet as they rush to the sandy shore. The sun is making its morning ascent, a dolphin makes a leap into the air, water droplets shine like diamonds. Longing... longing fills my soul to join him in the deep. What wonders I could see, what unknowns I could understand.
Before I realize it I have stepped into the salty brine ankle deep. My toes dig into the ocean floor. Fear sweeps through my heart. Fear of the unknown keeps me rooted where I stand. I want to go deeper... I battle the fear inside, maybe one more step.
The water is to my knees, then my waist. I am content here. I can still feel the ocean floor. The deep still calls...
Why can't I find the courage, why am I so afraid? The warm water laps against my body, I want to float, to swim to the deepest depths. I am almost there, a seagull screams out encouragement. One gentle push from my feet, one stroke of my arms... Two words softly spoken fill my heart. "Trust Me."
Floating, I can't touch bottom. Excitement and determination overtake my fear. I allow myself to sink. Swimming, deeper and deeper, I am overwhelmed by the beauty. I am overwhelmed by peace. As I take in the sights around me, He begins to speak.
"My child, you have allowed fear to rule your life for far too long. The depths that you swim in now only scratch the surface of what I wish to show you. What you think you understand, what you think you know is only a fraction of what I have hidden for you. Look beyond what you see in front of you, there is more. Desiring to know, to understand is only the first step. Obedience, true humble obedience and faith is the key that will unlock the mysteries. I have said that faith the size of a mustard seed would move mountains, do you believe it? Are you ready for Me to strip away the limitations man has placed on My Word? Are you ready for Me to strip away the scales from your eyes? Relinquish control and allow Me to take you deeper."
Words flow from my lips, on bended knees I bow. My only request is to be close to You. You are my only focus. My Earthly desires all seem so trivial, yet to You I know they are not. Tears stream down my cheeks as Your presence fills the room. Your face, how I long to see Your face! My heart cries out for Your glory; oh to see your glory, to be surrounded and filled to overflowing. How I long for Your glory to shine through me.
The weight of Your presence pushes me to the floor, face-down I lay engulfed in Your power. Praise fills my soul, and like a bubbling stream overflows its banks, adoration, honor and insufficient thanks rush from the deepest depths. Your Spirit rises up in me and a language only You can understand, pure anointing power washes away any vestige of present time and space. Floating now in Your river of anointing, I hear You speak.
"Precious one, your praise is a sweet smelling savor. Alone time with you is one of My greatest joys. I have so much to share with you, so much hidden that I desire to reveal. Abide in Me; and as you do so, I will abide in you. As you seek Me the more you will find Me, the more you will know Me.
There is much you do not understand. Questions that burden your heart, and circumstances that threaten to overwhelm you. Allow me to take those burdens, they are not yours to carry. I AM your all in all, the All Sufficient One. Do not focus on circumstances they are the evil one's way of trying to derail the plans I have set for you. Keep your eyes trained on Me, I will not allow you to sink. Rest in Me, I AM your fortress, your mighty stronghold. I AM your rearguard, I AM your shelter. I AM your friend."
The bitter cold wind whips across the battle field. Each blast cuts like a knife. Your hands are so cold you can hardly hold your sword in place. All around you the battle rages. Weeks, months, years... it has gone on so long you can hardly remember when it started. Fatigue threatens to bring you to your knees. Hunger gnaws at your belly, your heart cries out for relief. Each step forward propels you back three. Salty tears sting your parched cheeks and lips. You are ready to surrender in utter defeat.
The ground rises to meet you as you crumble to the hard packed Earth. You have nothing left, you cannot go on. Your eyes close for the briefest of moments... time stands still.
Peace.
The bitter wind is no longer blowing. Warmth radiates into your frozen fingers, your tears are wiped away. Sweet honey coats your lips, a gentle voice begins to speak.
"Warrior, I have not forgotten you. I Am your help in time of trouble. I Am your strength when you are weary. I Am the One who will uphold you with My right hand of righteousness. I Am the finisher of your faith. I have not now nor will I ever leave or forsake you. You DO NOT battle alone. I Am the Alpha and Omega, and I have called you for such a time as this. I have ordained you My minister in the Earth. You are MY warrior, I Am your shield. When you are weak, then I Am strong; I Am the over-comer. No weapon formed against you will prosper. Heed My Word: Weapons will be formed against you, destruction will try to overtake you. I said THEY WILL NOT PROSPER! Rise warrior! The battle is not over. Walk in My footprints, I will not lead you to the right or to the left. My way is true and everlasting. My way is Truth. I have placed My Word in your mouth. Speak it. Do not fear. Remember I have seen your end at your beginning, this battle is not the end. You will emerge victorious. Rise warrior! Rise up, take up your sword and follow Me."
You open your eyes and the battle rages still. You pick yourself up off the ground. Your sword does not feel as heavy. Energy and fire surge through your veins. One step and then another, A battle cry rings from your throat.....
Traffic was at a stand still. Brake lights flaming read in front of me was all I could see. I had forgotten the highway was under construction. I checked my watch with rising frustration, realizing I would not make my appointment on time. Stuck. I could not go forward, I could not go backward. I was boxed in. Before my frustration could get out of hand, I thought about the many times I had thanked God for a slow down in traffic. I thanked Him for protecting me from what ever was up ahead. As I remembered, my frustration faded. What was God protecting me from today? Before I could thank Him, He began to speak.
"Sit still and listen. You, like this road are under construction. I am making Kingdom changes in you. Changes that others will not be able to believe until they see My power working through you. I am stripping away the layers of damage. Damage caused not only from the seeds you have sown, but damage caused from the seeds others have sown into and around your life. I am molding you into my warrior. You have not suffered for nothing. You have not lost for nothing. There is a purpose. A Kingdom purpose. I am placing within you the drive to fight. The drive to see the sick healed, the dead raised, the lame walk. I am placing within you layer after layer of ability to tear down the strongholds of the enemy in My name. In My name you will watch as demons flee. I am placing within you the understanding that I am your everything; the understanding that without Me you can do nothing. Surrender, allow Me to construct the changes in you that need to be made. Allow Me to work a miracle in your life. Allow Me to raise you up on eagles wings. Allow Me to be your firm and solid foundation."
"All to Jesus I surrender, all to Him I freely give. I will ever love and trust Him, in His presence daily live." (Judson Van DeVenter)
The sun is peeking over the horizon. A giant ball of molten flame is rising to greet me. Shafts of light filtered through wisps of clouds streak across the dew dampened ground. My feet collect the dew drops as I walk across the cushion of grass. This is my most favorite time of day. Only a few birds are singing their morning songs. A squirrel or two scamper across tree limbs, their tiny claws scape along the bark. My rock is waiting. My thinking rock as I like to call it. This is where I contemplate the more serious issues of my life. Where am I going? Why am I here? What is my true purpose? This is where my Father and I talk. Sometimes He listens as I chatter on about any and everything. Sometime I listen as He shares with me His desires. It is wonderful to hear the Holy Spirit speak softly to my soul.
In this place there is no room for worry or doubt, no room for fear. In this place I am alone with my Father reveling in who He is, and all He has done for me. A gentle breeze rustles through the leaves, peace settles over me like a blanket.
For many things I do not have the answers. There are many things I still do not understand. But I know that God is with me. I know He has the answers. He is the answer. So I sit. I wait. I worship.
The winds of change are blowing. Each new day is uncertain. How will we make it? What will we do? How will we survive? God knows. He knows every breath we take. Every hair on our head is numbered. God knows our going out and our coming in. He knows each curve in the road. Whom shall I fear? What can man do unto me? I will not fear. I will not digress. I will keep pressing forward, I will endure. If I lose everything, and find myself at the mercy of those around me, my faith is still in God alone. He will provide. He will sustain. He will protect and surround me with His glorious presence. He is my rock and my fortress, in Him alone will I trust. Yea though I walk through the valley of death I will fear no evil. God is with me!
God is with me! God Knows! When I am blinded by circumstance God sees. When all I can do is cry out for help, God hears. God knows when I am ready to throw up my hands and quit. God knows when the pain has become too much. God alone knows the deepest recesses of my heart. God Knows! God Knows!
"Listen my child. This trial is not unto death. I am with you, and Yes I KNOW. I see every tear you cry. I hear every prayer you pray. I have not left you. I have not abandoned you. You are my child and I am closer to you now than when you first believed. No you do not understand why things have happened the way that they have. It is not for you to understand. It is for you to believe. Believe that I am the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the End. The First and the Last. I am for you and not against you. You are more precious to me than fine gold. More valuable to me than all the rubies waiting to be mined from the Earth. I am holding you in the palm of My hand. I will not let you go. I have promised to care for you, to provide for you, to strengthen you, to shelter you. I cannot lie. My word is true. Trust me. Allow me to move in your life. Allow Me to show you My glory. Allow me to strip away every hindrance. Allow me to make MY plan known to you. Be not afraid My child, only believe. Believe that I love you. Believe that I only desire good for you. Trust my Word. Know that it is true."
So many things have happened. Too many to list. I have felt abandoned, lonely, afraid and confused. Why you ask would I tell you these things? Because I have been on top of the mountain. I have tasted success, I have seen the glory of God. I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good. Then in a moment, in the blink of an eye, everything was gone. How did I end up in the valley? What did I do? Where did I go wrong? I cried out to the Lord in my distress, my pain seemed too much to bear. Loss after loss ruled my life. I didn't understand. Silence reigned from every side. I erected walls, hoping to protect what little I had left of my heart. Tears soaked my pillow each night, the sun refused to shine. I was swirling in an eddy I could not control nor escape from.
I knew in all of this God was not at fault. He promised to provide. He promised to take care of me. Each loss I suffered was not God punishing me, but Satan attempting to drown me in self pity, to drown me in death. I refused to comply. God DID NOT cause these bad things to happen. Even though I didn't understand why, God never left me. Even though my heart broke a little more each day, God never left me. God stood beside me. God has carried me all these months. God sent his Angels to hold me and comfort me while I slept. I never saw them, but in my heart I knew they were there.
Now like a babe, I am ready to walk again. My muscles are not quite strong enough, I cannot walk on my own. God is holding my hand. He will not allow me to fall. He will carry me when my strength fails. When I am weak, He is strong. God will never fail me.
Are you walking in a valley? Are you confused? Are you on the verge of losing everything? God has not left you. He is there with you. He sees every tear you cry. He hears every prayer you pray. He is not ignoring you. Lean on and into Him. He will never fail you. Yes it is hard because you cannot see the end. Yes it is hard because you may not know where you are going. Like Abraham God is calling us to start over. Yes it is hard. Yes it is uncomfortable, but the time is now. We must return to our first Love. We must believe like we did when we first accepted Christ. We must know deep within, deeper than we have ever tried to look; God is for us and not against us. He will not leave us destitute. He has never seen the righteous forsaken nor his seed begging bread. He will not leave us bleeding on the side of the road. He is the Good Shepherd. He will never leave us to fend for ourselves.
Join with me. Your journey is different from mine and we are traveling different roads, but starting over begins with the first step. Take the step with me. Leave all the hurt and disappointment behind. Look unto Jesus the Author and finisher of our faith. In Him alone will we find the courage and strength to take a step, another and then another. We do not have to understand, we simply have to step, and know that each step is ordered of the Lord. He will guide us as we gain strength, as we once again begin to run the race He has set before us. From this day forward we are no longer afraid, because we know we do not walk alone.
Blessings and Prayers
Patricia
