Traffic was at a stand still. Brake lights flaming read in front of me was all I could see. I had forgotten the highway was under construction. I checked my watch with rising frustration, realizing I would not make my appointment on time. Stuck. I could not go forward, I could not go backward. I was boxed in. Before my frustration could get out of hand, I thought about the many times I had thanked God for a slow down in traffic. I thanked Him for protecting me from what ever was up ahead. As I remembered, my frustration faded. What was God protecting me from today? Before I could thank Him, He began to speak.
"Sit still and listen. You, like this road are under construction. I am making Kingdom changes in you. Changes that others will not be able to believe until they see My power working through you. I am stripping away the layers of damage. Damage caused not only from the seeds you have sown, but damage caused from the seeds others have sown into and around your life. I am molding you into my warrior. You have not suffered for nothing. You have not lost for nothing. There is a purpose. A Kingdom purpose. I am placing within you the drive to fight. The drive to see the sick healed, the dead raised, the lame walk. I am placing within you layer after layer of ability to tear down the strongholds of the enemy in My name. In My name you will watch as demons flee. I am placing within you the understanding that I am your everything; the understanding that without Me you can do nothing. Surrender, allow Me to construct the changes in you that need to be made. Allow Me to work a miracle in your life. Allow Me to raise you up on eagles wings. Allow Me to be your firm and solid foundation."
"All to Jesus I surrender, all to Him I freely give. I will ever love and trust Him, in His presence daily live." (Judson Van DeVenter)
The sun is peeking over the horizon. A giant ball of molten flame is rising to greet me. Shafts of light filtered through wisps of clouds streak across the dew dampened ground. My feet collect the dew drops as I walk across the cushion of grass. This is my most favorite time of day. Only a few birds are singing their morning songs. A squirrel or two scamper across tree limbs, their tiny claws scape along the bark. My rock is waiting. My thinking rock as I like to call it. This is where I contemplate the more serious issues of my life. Where am I going? Why am I here? What is my true purpose? This is where my Father and I talk. Sometimes He listens as I chatter on about any and everything. Sometime I listen as He shares with me His desires. It is wonderful to hear the Holy Spirit speak softly to my soul.
In this place there is no room for worry or doubt, no room for fear. In this place I am alone with my Father reveling in who He is, and all He has done for me. A gentle breeze rustles through the leaves, peace settles over me like a blanket.
For many things I do not have the answers. There are many things I still do not understand. But I know that God is with me. I know He has the answers. He is the answer. So I sit. I wait. I worship.
The winds of change are blowing. Each new day is uncertain. How will we make it? What will we do? How will we survive? God knows. He knows every breath we take. Every hair on our head is numbered. God knows our going out and our coming in. He knows each curve in the road. Whom shall I fear? What can man do unto me? I will not fear. I will not digress. I will keep pressing forward, I will endure. If I lose everything, and find myself at the mercy of those around me, my faith is still in God alone. He will provide. He will sustain. He will protect and surround me with His glorious presence. He is my rock and my fortress, in Him alone will I trust. Yea though I walk through the valley of death I will fear no evil. God is with me!
God is with me! God Knows! When I am blinded by circumstance God sees. When all I can do is cry out for help, God hears. God knows when I am ready to throw up my hands and quit. God knows when the pain has become too much. God alone knows the deepest recesses of my heart. God Knows! God Knows!
"Listen my child. This trial is not unto death. I am with you, and Yes I KNOW. I see every tear you cry. I hear every prayer you pray. I have not left you. I have not abandoned you. You are my child and I am closer to you now than when you first believed. No you do not understand why things have happened the way that they have. It is not for you to understand. It is for you to believe. Believe that I am the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the End. The First and the Last. I am for you and not against you. You are more precious to me than fine gold. More valuable to me than all the rubies waiting to be mined from the Earth. I am holding you in the palm of My hand. I will not let you go. I have promised to care for you, to provide for you, to strengthen you, to shelter you. I cannot lie. My word is true. Trust me. Allow me to move in your life. Allow Me to show you My glory. Allow me to strip away every hindrance. Allow me to make MY plan known to you. Be not afraid My child, only believe. Believe that I love you. Believe that I only desire good for you. Trust my Word. Know that it is true."
So many things have happened. Too many to list. I have felt abandoned, lonely, afraid and confused. Why you ask would I tell you these things? Because I have been on top of the mountain. I have tasted success, I have seen the glory of God. I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good. Then in a moment, in the blink of an eye, everything was gone. How did I end up in the valley? What did I do? Where did I go wrong? I cried out to the Lord in my distress, my pain seemed too much to bear. Loss after loss ruled my life. I didn't understand. Silence reigned from every side. I erected walls, hoping to protect what little I had left of my heart. Tears soaked my pillow each night, the sun refused to shine. I was swirling in an eddy I could not control nor escape from.
I knew in all of this God was not at fault. He promised to provide. He promised to take care of me. Each loss I suffered was not God punishing me, but Satan attempting to drown me in self pity, to drown me in death. I refused to comply. God DID NOT cause these bad things to happen. Even though I didn't understand why, God never left me. Even though my heart broke a little more each day, God never left me. God stood beside me. God has carried me all these months. God sent his Angels to hold me and comfort me while I slept. I never saw them, but in my heart I knew they were there.
Now like a babe, I am ready to walk again. My muscles are not quite strong enough, I cannot walk on my own. God is holding my hand. He will not allow me to fall. He will carry me when my strength fails. When I am weak, He is strong. God will never fail me.
Are you walking in a valley? Are you confused? Are you on the verge of losing everything? God has not left you. He is there with you. He sees every tear you cry. He hears every prayer you pray. He is not ignoring you. Lean on and into Him. He will never fail you. Yes it is hard because you cannot see the end. Yes it is hard because you may not know where you are going. Like Abraham God is calling us to start over. Yes it is hard. Yes it is uncomfortable, but the time is now. We must return to our first Love. We must believe like we did when we first accepted Christ. We must know deep within, deeper than we have ever tried to look; God is for us and not against us. He will not leave us destitute. He has never seen the righteous forsaken nor his seed begging bread. He will not leave us bleeding on the side of the road. He is the Good Shepherd. He will never leave us to fend for ourselves.
Join with me. Your journey is different from mine and we are traveling different roads, but starting over begins with the first step. Take the step with me. Leave all the hurt and disappointment behind. Look unto Jesus the Author and finisher of our faith. In Him alone will we find the courage and strength to take a step, another and then another. We do not have to understand, we simply have to step, and know that each step is ordered of the Lord. He will guide us as we gain strength, as we once again begin to run the race He has set before us. From this day forward we are no longer afraid, because we know we do not walk alone.
Blessings and Prayers
Patricia
